


Sempiternal

by seungKim



Category: ENHYPEN (Band), I-LAND (Korea TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Please Don't Kill Me, Sad, Suicide, heeseung is only mentioned, idk how to tag, no heeseunghoon selca no fluff, really angssssttttyyyyy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:02:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26870335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seungKim/pseuds/seungKim
Summary: Maybe he was supposed to give up, so he could be with Heeseung, maybe this is what's meant to happen, and maybe just maybe their end is really destined to be like this.
Relationships: Lee Heeseung & Park Sunghoon, Lee Heeseung/Park Sunghoon
Comments: 12
Kudos: 30





	Sempiternal

**Author's Note:**

> DONT READ THIS IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED!!!!!!!!!!! READ THE TAGS CAREFULLY BEFORE READING THIS.

The sound of the rain hitting the window was what woke Sunghoon from his exhausted slumber, his tired and weak body taking a sitting position on the couch where he had passed out. For some odd reason the curtains were open and the sound was more clear and loud, but what bothered him the most was the light invading his apartment. 

It was dim since the day was cloudy, but still, the brightness was stinging his sensitive eyes. He forced himself to move towards the window, closed the curtains slowly and holding on the nearby furniture to steady himself once his vision started to get blurry and his head started spinning again.

When was the last time he had eaten something? Maybe a week ago? He couldn't remember when it was the last time Jay had visited him and bullied him to eat – claiming that he was looking like a skeleton more than normal and that he needed to eat and sleep. Sunghoon promised to his friend that he would try, but Jay never really left him alone.

He couldn't eat anything, everything he put on his mouth would later be thrown up, and sleeping started to be something he dreaded the most. The image of Heeseung in his dreams weren't worth it and he was pretty fine with sleeping only when his body passed out on him.

He walked back to the couch, laying on it and curling himself into a ball. Sunghoon knew the tears would come sooner or later, and he knew it would be as bad as it was when he cried earlier. Sighing deeply and blinking tiredly, he made himself as small as possible and the first tear came out, and soon he was fully crying.

Sunghoon found himself thinking about all the words they had exchanged before that exhausting day, all the things Heeseung had promised him before he left. 

It wasn't fair – it wasn't fair that Heeseung had left him, it wasn't fair that it still hurt as much as it had hurt when it happened, it wasn't fair that Heeseung left him with broken promises, and it wasn't fair that Heeseung left him heart broken.

It hurt. It hurt so bad and he couldn't do anything to stop it, no matter how hard he had tried. It was like an open bruise, craved deep inside his chest, that still couldn't heal and remained open. 

He bought his hands up to rub his face so he could get rid of the tears, at least to be able to see a little even though the edges were still blurry and his eyes were still moist with tears threatening to fall. He forced himself to sit just so he could focus his mind on any little thing to forget this pain, be it paying attention to his ice skates that somehow changed positions in the cabinet – was it always like that, or did it ended up shifting because he made a mess last night? He wouldn't know, after all, Heeseung was the one who paid attention to things like that.

Sunghoon forced himself to get up, legs weak and barely supporting him as he walked but it was okay — he atleast managed to get himself in the bedroom without stumbling. He hadn't been in this room for quite awhile, only entering it to grab some clothes and leave without looking at it that much. It was the room he had the most memories with Heeseung and he couldn't stand staying in it for much long, the walls seemed to have gotten smaller and he felt like he was suffocating, the tears were falling again but it felt nice.

It still had Heeseung's presence on it, somehow, and Sunghoon felt a little warm inside, just a small sparkle of warmth.

The mirror infront of their bed caught his attention and made him feel a little nostalgic, it reminded him of how Heeseung would spend a long time in front of it, trying to find clothes that fit him, and how he would always tell him he was perfect and he would come closer to him and hug his back, while giggling and whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

He stood in front of it, and his tears came back, but this time it's full force.

He looked awful, pale, like a failed copy of something that once was bright and beautiful. He was as thin as a paper, eyes swollen to the point they barely managed to stay open, face red and sunken. He felt ashamed. 

How did he reach this point? Heeseung would be so disappointed in him...

He turned away from the mirror and walked towards the bathroom, kneeling beside the bathtub and turning the faucet on. He had a thought in mind, one that he wasn't proud of and wished that it would disappear, but his body was on autopilot now. He waited until it was almost full, the water reaching the brim when he finally stepped in, not minding his clothes. He barely reacted to the cold water, instead he lowered himself until the water was reaching his chin.

Would Heeseung be disappointed in him if he would do this? He had tried, truly tried, but it was too much, Heeseung's absence was too much, it hurt and he didn't know what to do, this was the easiest way out, to get rid of the pain tormenting him for months already.

For some reason he was proud that he had managed to go for this long, even though he hadn't lived for awhile now, he had lasted more than he had expected.

With this thought in mind he lowered himself and soon he was fully underwater, holding his breath until his lungs started to burn and plead for air, not giving up until dark spots were blinding his vision and he forced himself to close his eyes.

It felt lonely, with just the darkness, it felt really really lonely, and Sunghoon's only comfort in this lonely darkness is that after all of this, Heeseung would be there, that Heeseung would understand and that if afterlife truly existed like most said, they would meet there and Heeseung would hug him and tell him that it was alright and that he tried his best and that it was what mattered for him.

𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶... 𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩, 𝘏𝘦𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘨... 𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺... 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶...

And when Sunghoon finally passed out, with water filling his lungs and his body lying limp on the bathtub, he had a small smile on his face. It wasn't the end he wanted for both him and Heeseung, but maybe it was meant to be like this. 

Maybe he was supposed to give up, so he could be with Heeseung, maybe this is what's meant to happen, and maybe just maybe their end is really destined to be like this.

When Sunghoon's body was found by Jake, Ni-ki, Sunoo, Jungwon, and Jay, one day after his successful attempt, it had hurt and Jay had never screamed so much in his life, lost between crying and wishing to go back in time to have more time for Sunghoon and attend to his needs more. He felt guilty, felt like he had failed Heeseung and that he had broken the promise he had made to Heeseung. 

It took him awhile to realise that at that moment he had just lost his two bestfriends.

Everyone was hurt. Sunoo, Ni-ki and Jungwon had cried for straight three days, Jake blamed himself for not always checking up on Sunghoon, and Jay... Jay had it worst, he had never felt so alone in his entire life, his two bestfriends just left him here, alone. 

At least they had a comfort, a comfort that Sunghoon was probably happy whenever he was now, probably on Heeseung's arms, smiling and laughing with him.

**Author's Note:**

> I AM SO SORRY WKDJAKJSJAHS was it good? i wrote this instead of sleeping so


End file.
